Can someone really be friends with their ex? It’s an age-old question that arises soon after a breakup. It might not even be an issue we are consciously aware of possessing. This person that was so dear to them, how could they ever truly be out of one’s life? It’s only natural that people would desire to shift this former love into the friend zone. Often, this prove to be a poor idea. Memories and feelings can get muddled and often hurts can be unresolved. If you are considering remaining friends with your ex, read on to discover six key hurdles that prevent former lovers from remaining friends.
- Grief Period
Typically, people want to jump straight away from lovers back to friends. But it is essential that both parties have ample time to grieve the end of the romance. Space is essential for being able to fully process what caused the demise of the love and how to heal and evolve properly. When a former couple goes straight back into being friends, they aren’t able to have the distance to reflect, analyze and heal.
- Intimacy Doesn’t Turn Off Immediately!
The physical and mental connection a couple is powerful and takes significant time to fade. Even if you think you might be over a person, chances are if you haven’t processed the trauma of the breakup, you really aren’t! If you switch immediately from lover to friends your brains wouldn’t fully understand the new boundaries and crave to reestablish what you once had.
- Inability to Move On
When you immediately shift into friend mode with an ex, you prevent yourself from getting back into the dating game. You instead are trapped in a limbo of the past and present situations and unable to clearly see a new future. Anytime you desire to go forward, your memories could pull you back into trying to understand what went wrong in your dynamic.
No one wants to feel like the third wheel. If you are friends with your ex either or both your old and new love could feel jealous. This will prevent you from being able to fully explore a new future with a great potential partner. Meanwhile, the new partner may not feel 100% certain you are over your ex and get anxious that at any moment you could leave this new relationship to rekindle the old one.
- Emotional Highs and Lows
Do you want to feel like you are constantly swinging from one extreme to the other? If you are quick to be friends with an ex, that could be your reality. You risk questioning almost everything from thoughts, actions, behaviors to motivations or expectations. You risk reliving the best and worst moments of your former relationship as our brain retain the majority of our emotional experiences. Likewise, you brain is wired to crave the things you used to enjoy as a couple, which in turn will stir up a plethora of emotions and memories when you least expect it.
- People WILL Talk
Friends and family may try to get you both to patch things up, because “you were so happy together.” Also, they will pry into both your life and ask LOTS of loaded questions that will cause you both undue stress. Really, who wants to validate and justify each action to a group of people. It is best if you stay away from your ex, until you both have fully healed and moved on, instead of rushing to remain friends.